(repost from my facebook)
So sabi ko magsusulat ako ng open letter kay Al Gore, kaso, wala akong mahanap na email address nya, at isa pa, anong itatanong ko sa kanya na hindi pa nya nasabi sa tin. Ano pa bang information tungkol sa climate change ang hindi available sa kung sino mang willing magbasa? Lahat yata ay nasa internet na, lahat ng facts nandyan na, lahat ng theories na unti-unti nang nagmamanifest nandyan na rin. Sabi ko dati pa magiging environmentalist ako kaya nga kinarir ko ang mga canvas bags sa New York noon tuwing maggo-grocery, sabi ko ganun din gagawin ko sa Pinas. Kaso pag-uwi ko dito at nalaman kong manganganak pala muna ko, natigil sa tatlo ang 100 na punong dapat kong itatanim, hinayaan kong dumami nang dumami mga plastic bags dahil sa grocery, iniiwan kong naka-on ang laptop kakadownload ng torrents, I thought time out muna excused ako, lalo na nung biglang CS pala ako I thought, cut me some slack no hiniwa yung tyan ko at nag-aalaga ako ng bagets baka pwedeng sila Sting na muna ang mamrublema sa Climate Change... Kaso ito na, Si Ondoy.
Unang status update pa lang ni Maritoni na nagtataka kung bakit ang taas ng baha sa kanila naiisip ko na agad ang 'The Inconvenient Truth' . Pero naisip ko OA naman hindi pa naman siguro, sinabi naman ni Gloria noon may 50 years pa bago lumubog ang Pinas, so medyo naive pa akong naisip na freak flooding lang to dahil ganito, dahil ganun... Kaso dumarami na ang mga nagpa-panic, nasundan ng mga distress calls, nasundan ng mga requests for rubber boats, emergency evacuations, and suddenly we were all in over our heads... we were not prepared... But how could we have been prepared?
The good news is that its over... for now... the bad news is that's just the beginning. Gumising tayo . Hindi na ito lokohan, hindi ito isolated case, isipin mo na lang na kung kinayang palubugin ang Marikina valley ng isang simpleng typhoon na ni hindi man lang super typhoon (take note: wala tayong makinarya na nakakapagsabi ng amount of rainfall ng isang paparating na bagyo) paano pa kaya ang isang super typhoon na eventually ay dadaan sa atin. Isa pang bad news, ang climate change ay hindi kayang ma-reverse o matigil, tutuloy-tuloy lang to. Whatever efforts the global community is doing right now, it is simply to slow it down, at ang results ng efforts na ito ay mangyayari in a matter of years, decades even, so para talaga tayong mga timang dito sa Pilipinas ngayon na nasa front line ng mga mutant bagyong ibubuga ng mutant version ng Pacific ocean.
The impacts of climate change threaten food and water security in some of the world’s poorest regions, and as these incidents escalate, they will tax global humanitarian efforts and our technological and financial capacity for recovery, as well as threaten global security and diplomatic relations.-Climate Change 101 ng The Prince's rainforest Project
Ngayon, kay Ondoy pa lang gaano na kalaking relief at rehabilitation effort ang kailangan? Oo resilient tayong mga Pinoy, kaya nating mag-eskoba, maglaba at bumangon uli sa maputik na kalagayan pero paano kung sa isang taon mahina na ang sampung ganyan?Paulit-ulit? laging may casualty? Hindi ba mauubos ang pag-asa mo? Expect the worst, sa ngayon 3rd world countries no matter what effort we put into turning our lifestyle green we are all still at the mercy of the big first world countries that contribute most of the CO2 into the atmosphere that causes climate change.
Ang China todo pa rin sa modernization, ang USA has yet to commit into nationalizing their efforts for greener energy... Hinihintay natin ang China at USA para ma-slowdown ang climate change... naisip nyo ba kung gaano ka-tagal at kafrustrating yun? Kahit ilang gabi kong hindi buksan ang laptop ko hindi ko matutumbasan ng na-save kong CO2 ang isang byahe ng domestic flight plane sa States na lumarga pa rin kahit tatatlo lang ang pasahero. Kahit buong buhay akong gumamit ng canvas bag at tuluyang itakwil ang plastic bags sa buhay ko hindi ko matutumbasan ang toxic gas emmissions na binubuga every hour sa Shanghai... At hindi ko naman kayang yugyugin at pagsasampalin ang bawat Intsik at Amerikanong makakasalubong ko at sabihing "My brother is not a pig! hindi kami hayop na ipapaanod lang sa tubig baha dahil lang wala kayong pakialam."
So anong gagawin natin? Naisip ko lang to... at antagal kong nag-isip. Kaya lang nating mag-adapt, look far into the future at every rehabilitation step na gagawin natin from here on in terms of infrastructure dapat i-consider ang worst case scenarios. Alamin natin kung ano ang mga low-lying areas na prone sa flooding at water level rising ( for the next 50 years) at pag-aralan kung anong housing strategies ang pwede, kung kailangang 10 storeys high ang 1 floor bungalow de go go go! para naman sa extreme heat sa summer maglabas ang National Housing Authority ng mga guidelines kung paano magiging energy efficient ang mga future housing projects, mga natural ventilation schemes, para hindi tayo nakaasa sa air-conditioning lagi na major contributor sa climate change. At the same time gumamit na tayo ng mga solar panels sa bubong na pwedeng i-provide ang electricity ng bawat household. Gawing ilegal ang pag-squat sa mga tabing ilog at i-enforce talaga tong law na to. gawing green ang transportation system. Gumawa ng effective system ng rescue operation na sing effective ng mga boat drills sa mga US cruise liners, yung may enough lifeboat na kayang iligtas ang mga inhabitants sa isang community kung tatamaan man uli ng baha. Wag muna kayong bumili ng bahay o ng kotse unless it is green powered or climate proof.
Di ba? Yung mga ganun ka-out there na ideas that might just work. It is essential na bawat isa sa atin ma-realize ang importansya nito, it dwarfs every other issue, imagine losing everything you have just because you didn't pay attention, kaya nga sa eleksyon itanong natin sa mga kandidato kung anong platform ang meron sila regarding this, we no longer have the privilege of voting someone dahil lang sa pangalan, o dahil lang trip natin sya, we owe so much to the future generations even that single vote is part of that debt. Ngayon pa lang andami na nating kailangang ipaliwanag. We've got a lot of work to do guys... 'Full term' in other words. This is such an achievement for any pregnant woman. They say at this point its ok for the baby to come out cause she by now would have fully developed organs that could support her out here. And two nights ago I thought my baby was doing just that. 3 o'clock in the morning after hours of writhing pain on my backside I knocked on my mom's door and asked her to stay with me just in case something happens through the night. She didn't want us to wait for that 'something happens' point so we went to the hospital, I got examined and turns out it was just a severe case of third trimester constipation that i wouldn't wish even for my worst enemy... or maybe I will. It's ok, false alarms are normal, its always better to be sure like what my mom said, you don't really have a way of differentiating the pain when its coming from down there, especially if its your first time. I for one had a suspicion it might just have been my tract but I wasn't sure cause it never hurt like that before, and its a very different story in the toilet when you have a watermelon for a belly. Although the midwife did warn me on our way out of the hospital that whatever I was feeling that night was nothing compared for what's to come.... ok that's comforting... And now even my sister is in her first stages of pregnancy, so we're having a ball exchanging labor stories of people she knows, someone having to give birth at home and peeing all over the midwife thrice, and someone who thought she was peeing ended up giving birth in the toilet... oh boy! I just hope that for my case anything messy would happen in the hospital... and I am expecting mess. So from here on it's more or less three weeks, Varoon is coming in less than three weeks. He has been asking the baby to wait for him everytime he calls. I sure hope he's here when it happens and I'm crossing all my fingers. For now I'm imagining my baby sleeping and gearing up to get out of my belly with a crown of curly black hair like her dad's. If a little baby can be brave enough and ready to pass through a small tube to break into this world then what excuse do I have not to be ready? We're almost there! :)
Na-receive ko tong email na to from my dear friend who was also my co-worker nung first contract ko. She mentioned that this is for everyone who's ever been ripped off by a big company. Actually in the US this is really possible, lalo na with your credit cards, I had more than a couple of incidents when I had to contest a charge in my debit card. So here it is and enjoy this woman's revenge:
This is a true story. Please forward when you finish reading!
A little background:
Neiman-Marcus, if you don't know already, is a very expensive boutique shop (they sell a typical $8.00 T-shirt for $50.00)
My daughter and I had just finished lunch at a Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas , USA . Because both of us are such biscuit lovers, we decided to try the 'Neiman-Marcus cookie'. It was so excellent that I asked if
they would give me the recipe. The waitress said with a small frown, 'I'mafraid not, but you can buy the recipe.' I asked how much, and she responded; 'Only two fifty - it's a great deal' I agreed to that, and told her to add it to my bill.
Thirty days later, I got my Visa statement, and the Neiman-Marcus charge was $285. I looked at it again, and I remembered I had onlyspent $9.95 for two sandwiches and about $20 for a scarf. At the bottom of the statement, it said, 'Cookie Recipe - $250.00'. That was outrageous! I called Neiman's Accounting Department and told them the waitress had said it was 'two fifty', which clearly does not mean 'two hundred and fifty dollars' by any reasonable interpretation of the phrase. Neiman-Marcus refused to budge. They would not refund my money because according to them; 'What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe. We absolutely will not refund your money. I explained to the Accounting Department lady the criminal statutes which govern fraud in the state of Texas . I threatened to report them to the Better Business Bureau and The Texas Attorney General's office. I was basically told: Do what you want. Don't bother thinking of how you can get even, and don't bother trying to get any of your money back'
I said, OK, you've got my $250, and now I'm going to have $250 worth of fun. I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the world with an e-mail account gets a $250 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for free. She replied, 'I wish you wouldn't do that.' I said, 'Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you RIPPED ME OFF!' and slammed down the phone. So here it is! Please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of.
I paid $250 for this, and I don't want Neiman-Marcus to EVER make another penny from this recipe!
NEIMAN-MARCUS COOKIES (Recipe may be halved as this makes heaps)
2 (500 ml) cups butter 680 g chocolate chips 4 (1000 ml) cups flour 2 (500 ml) cups brown sugar 2 tsp. (10 ml) Bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp. (5 ml) salt 2 (500 ml) cups sugar 500 g Grated Cadbury chocolate 5 (1250 ml) cups blended oatmeal 4 eggs 2 tsp. (10 ml) baking powder 2 tsp. (10 ml) vanilla
3 cups (375 ml) chopped nuts (optional)
Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and bicarbonate of soda. Add
chocolate chips, grated Chocolate and nuts. Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees (180 C). The above quantities make 112 cookies. Enjoy! I'm not really sure on which week I am by now, turns out the nurse from the OB clinic miscalculated it and doc had to count it again, now it seems I'm backtracked by two weeks... which might just be the weirdest thing for preggers... you don't really know what's happening inside so you basically visualize the baby by what you read about their development... so far I was imagining her with a full head of hair, nails growing, fat accumulating... then doc said you're just on your 31st week... so I had to pick up an imaginary eraser and delete some here and there from the picture and wait 2 more weeks to get it back. Anyway I'm still excited, I notice the tip of my belly touching my upper thighs when I sit. The dreaded stretch marks have appeared. They say you can talk to the baby, cause she can hear you, familiarize her self with her mother's voice, so I do, constantly, asking her what she's up to when she starts kicking too hard. I suddenly find it a need to have her baby stuff close to me so I took up embroidering all sorts of stuff into her clothes, customizing it.
Yesterday I washed all her stuff just so they'll be ready to wear, handwashed with that biodegradable baby laundry soap that Herbert gave me as a wedding present. Doing laundry nowadays has become personal to me, it's suddenly a source of pride, I think I got it from my maternal grandma who was notorious for getting laundry amazingly white even if it means stretching out the collars of shirts to unwearable limits. I'm very particular with the outcome, the smell of it when it's dried that's why I make sure no one touches my stuff while they are in the clothesline drying... not even my mom.
And then there was the spin dryer. You see laundry on a regular June day doesn't usually mix here in the Philippines, you might wake up to a bright sunny morning yet by 3pm it'll be raining like hell. So my sister bought a spin dryer, since she has to wash her uniform every other day. When she first said spin dryer I imagined those heavy types we use on the ships, the environmentally unfriendly ones that blow hot air into your clothes while they spin turbine-fast, but they dry the clothes nicely and if you hang your stuff right away there won't be any need to iron them---and that part I like. But then here comes my sister followed by her husband carrying this box over his shoulder. That's it? that's the spin dryer? Are you sure you didn't just bought an electric fan?
This thing sat next to our washing machine which was basically twice its size... and I was staring at it while all my baby's clothes dripped on the sink ready for the clothes' line. The sky wasn't at all promising but it sure was windy. But then I also have baby bedsheets and flannel blankets which might need a day or two to dry, and by the time that happens it would have picked up that funky smell that all half dry laundry seems to get this season... not to mention this neighbor of ours always seem to know when I do my laundry so almost en point two hours after I hang my last clothes, they start a big smoky bonfire of dead leaves... yup! that smoky aroma and that funky smell. you just can't go soooo wrong.. some people on public buses who suddenly realize how funky their shirts are would harbor secret grudges on their mothers for allowing them to smell this bad, the shame of it all in this crowded society... not knowing how painstakingly their mothers did the laundry, its just that the neighbors found it the perfect time to burn their garbage while they're drying. Nope I didn' t want the baby to feel that, so I plugged in this dryer and dropped the bedcover, flannel blankets and two pillows, crossing my fingers I let it spin for 3 minutes. I wasn't even looking. Then voila! I popped them out and they were almost dry, I notice the amount of water that this little contraption spurted out, it was all on the ground, that much water that would have taken a day to drip out of these stuff, now I only have to hang them for an hour or so and they're done... I don't know why I find this so amazing but yeah! who would have thought spinning clothes around in circles ( without any heat) can get it dry so fast? I mean maybe if you ask a sad person who can't stop crying to start spinning in circles for a minute or so, maybe that could suddenly make them happy again.
I concluded that perhaps I reached a certain level of contentment finding satisfaction looking into the dryer as all my baby's clothes spin, making a live pastel kaleidoscope. It's like somebody just solved all the world's problems just by coming up with this appliance, and i'm helping by using it... Or maybe I have been stuck in the house far too long and yet still two weeks too less. Nakakaloka talaga dito sa probinsya. And to think na we're so close to Manila. So here I was watching the American Idol final performances sa laptop ko, dahil nga may pinnacle hdstick to. Dumating ang nanay kong galing caloocan na nagkataong nakasalubong ng kapitbahay namin at naka-chika ng slight. Ang bungad sa kin ng nanay ko, in a worried tone, "Aye magsabit ka ng bawang sa bintana mo"--- so naloka naman ako dun. bawang! bakit bawang? ano yan? mabaho ba sa kwarto ko at kailangan ko ng i-camouflage ng isa pang baho? Tapos ito na ang paliwanag, yung kasing anak ng kapitbahay namin na akalain mong asawa rin ng isang Indian national, na akalain mong kasabay ko ring nagbubuntis at manganganak ay may close encounter of some sort nung isang gabi. Habang hinihintay daw nya yung asawa nya nung isang gabi (hindi ko pa nakikita jowa nito but I have a seething suspicion na 5-6 na bumbay type ito) at nakarinig sya ng motor na nag-park sa may kalsada, so mega dungaw ang lola mo sa slightly nakaawang na pinto, at nang ginawa raw nya yun nakita nyang may malaking asong itim raw na sumusugod sa kanya, at naloka sya so tawag nya yung parentals nya na kasama rin nya, at mega sugod rin sila para bugawin yung aso na somehow nakapasok sa bakuran nila. Kaso bigla raw nawala ang aso. Of course, logically, in the provincial system of logic, ano yun? aswang daw. kalurky! so naghahanap ba ng slightly spicy ang mga aswang ngayon kaya pinupuntirya mga half-indian babies? well, hindi pa naman ako nakaka-encounter, pero naloloka pa rin ako sa ganitong logic. hindi ako magtataka pagbiglang nagkaroon ng mga anti-aswang tanod bigla dito sa subdivision namin. ok sige nakwangki rin ako noon sa Boracay pero di ba? kung lahat ng tao sa paligid mo naniniwala parang kakabahan ka na rin. Kaya na nga ba sabi ko sa Singapore na kami tumira ni Varoon e at pag kinwento ko to sa kanya maka-kwangki na naman sa kin yun, (flashback sa reaction shot ni varoon nang sinabi kong kailangan naming bumili ng walis tingting sa palengke ng boracay.) Ok so sabi ko ayokong magsabit ng bawang sa bintana ko, dahil pang bampira yun. di na lang ako lalabas pag gabi na para magpa-load pag nauubusan. at wag na lang naming bubuksan yung bintana sa attic. compromise ba, I think kahit maging first world country pa tayo meron at meron pa ring maniniwala sa mga ganito at for sure may magbabaliktad pa rin ng walis tingting sa loob ng bahay, and of course bawang sa bintana. mabuhay ang pilipinas! Yup seven months, and my OB said it, the baby is healthy... actually a bit too healthy. She's getting a bit hefty in there. So now I'm on a low fat, low sugar diet... I need to channel my inner vegan, whom I lost since I left Rajasthan India last year. So now I need to distract my self from the thought of white chocolates, or that crema de fruta lying in our fridge which I made for my nephews. Being a fat pregnant woman is one thing but having a chubby baby inside is another, babies once they start gaining their weight in the middle of its sixth month don't have a way of losing that weight, being able to hug their toes don't count as bikram yoga either. And its funny cause I'm not really getting fat, it seems everything I eat goes directly to this cabbage patch kid inside. It would be nice to hug this chubby kid but that is once she's out, My cervix can only dilate to a certain point. Speaking of dilating, for anyone who is pregnant, or wants to be pregnant. I highly recommend this book by Juju Sundin, Birth Skills. It fully explains the birthing process from the first contraction down to the last all the way 'til the baby is out. I can't believe how much of the birthing process is unknown to us as modern women when in fact it should have been taught to us in school like sex education perhaps. Given that a woman's fate in terms of being a mother is plain and simple, either you become one or you don't.
I cannot imagine how some women can actually get into labor without understanding anything of what they're going through, My mom included, she had 3 C-sections for all 3 of us. And she has no clue what women having normal delivery goes through. I'm still praying that I have a normal delivery, thus the concern for the baby's weight. And maybe I'm a little masochistic but if possible one without anesthesia. I want to be bigger than the pain... yeah ambitious! but that's why I wanna know more about what's gonna happen, understanding it gets rid of the fear so there are less freak out moments in the delivery room.
Like what Juju Sundin said, distracting yourself from the pain is key. Now I'm distracting my self from the fact that I won't have much sweets in the next 2 months. Let's talk about some awesome baby trivia. Did you know that they now have an option for newborns whether or not you want to save some part of the baby's placenta for future use? It costs a fortune! but they do this because in case the baby develops some terminal illness in the future, the information kept in the placenta can hold the cure... somewhere along the lines of stem cell research, some still contradict it saying that its mostly the siblings of the baby that can benefit from the placenta( I say play it safe, save all your babies' placentas, but then maybe you're Brangelina).
Amazingly though, in Bali Indonesia, they have a belief that every baby is born with 4 spiritual brothers, mainly symbolized by the stuff the baby comes out with like the umbilical cord, the placenta, etc. So the parents gather these and put them together to be burried nearby where they live. They believe that this is to honor the 'brothers' that will in turn protect the newborn all throughout his life from harm and sickness. Are you following this? Science and folklore somehow meet in the belief that these things can somehow prolong the life of the infant in future circumstances... I think that's amazing. It cements what my Anthro prof. Datar stated (this guy should be famous by now!) That all folklore belief, in one way or another, has some scientific basis, not proven by experiments by our ancestors but by the noticed patterns brought about by repetition through hundreds of years... ANG LALIM!!! Oh well! That's it for now. 'Til the eighth month!... or maybe sooner
Let's face it. Good bras are really expensive. You probably have just two or three that are really good and are worth more than P700. That would have been enough. However us women being the emotional creatures that we are, our weight and curves fluctuate like summer of 2009. We can lose and gain weight like a hobby. And being pregnant can only make it worse where you can actually jump 3 sizes bigger in 1 month and those nice La Perlas and Victorias secrets or even Triumph aren't as comfy as they used to be.
Ever watched one of those Oprah episodes where she features those inventors that made such mundane yet ingenious stuff they made you think " why didn't I think of that?"... well, here's my proud moment... Ladies may I present to you 'Aye's bra extenders' !
6 months and counting. I have been cooped up in the house for the longest period I can remember. I'm thankful that my friends come up with occasional events that are reasons enough to leave my cage. Not that I'm complaining, nor even regretting that I'm pregnant or so but I guess what I wasn't prepared for is the immobility that this condition entails. I cannot believe some women actually stay pregnant most of their lives. You see normally I can be somewhere between Quiapo or Lucban Quezon around this time of the year, that is if you can still find me here, otherwise I'm halfway across the world working and 'immobility' was never an adjective that could have been associated with me. That last summer I was here before going abroad for work, I remember spending the season from Bicol to Galera then Pahiyas and everywhere else in between. I remember Marla asking Ayrin that time wondering where I was and Ayrin said 'nasa Lucban nagpahiyas' then Marla said 'Kailangan ba talagang umattend ni Aye sa lahat ng fiesta ngayon?' I could beat any drag queen beauty contest addict in terms of stamina when it comes to hopping from one place to another as long as I have enough means to get there. Well, come to think of it, I did have my fun, I've had more than my share of adventure from hidden waterfalls in Galera to the underground caves of Mexico. Now though is a different story, I wouldn't want to push my self too much just to end up discovering blood between my legs because of fatigue. What actually freaks me out is the fact that as soon as I got pregnant, I suddenly hear all sorts of stories about pregnancies that went wrong. pregnant women dying of high blood pressure, or a woman who was one day short from labor and was asked to walk around a bit more to get her cervix to open up bigger only to end up dead somewhere in SM... And miscarriages, oh my gosh! don't even get me started with them. If I have to hear another horror story with a pregnant woman in it I've heard one too many. And my mom's doomsday tone is not helping at all. Whenever I feel something odd like a certain ache in my back or side my mom would immediately come up with a morbid diagnosis of what it could be, I will not be surprised if she one day exclaims that the baby is an alien and is trying to eat its way out from my stomach...I mean c'mon! maybe the people in my house is quite aware how restless I could get and is trying to hold me down by means of these stories... somehow they're working though. Even my husband would get annoyed at how fast I walk sometimes and I tell him this is even half my usual pace. My body as if instinctively learns what it needs to do everyday, even getting up from bed is suddenly a different process altogether. Despite all these changes though I still find joy in this. This little baby inside me has started to move around a lot. Maybe it helps that I warn her everyday that her mom might be a little tough to catch up with as soon as she's out. Anyway, three more months could be here all of a sudden. I'm excited... but if anyone has anything good to say about trying to squeeze a melon through a hole the size of a nut, now would probably be the best time to start. Just so I get used to it. :) I am such a sappy mess when it comes to movies. And to think that I'm a film graduate, I am supposed to be a little more objective about them. But it happens that I fail to insulate my self from emotions that get stirred. I'm one of those people who cry miserably over some replays on HBO or the Lifestyle channel, yes, commercials withstanding. And worst, some movies really stick with me for days. The latest is this movie 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas' . Hay nakoh! if I only knew... actually I should've! Knowing that it's a holocaust movie, there aren't really any of those that ended happily... even It's a Beautiful Life of Benigni left me in traumatic state after I watched it in the UP Film Center years ago. So I just hate it that the movie kinda gave me some optimism, the darkest few minutes came at the end. Hah! I dare you all to watch it. I've never felt such finality coming from a shot of one single inanimate object- a closed door.I think it's the worst horror any loving parent can watch, and its not even a horror film. I am gonna ban striped pyjamas in my household. I'll not let any of my future kids own one. Yun lang. The heat is unbearable, was it yesterday as if rudely awakened I'm reminded how badly everyone wanted to escape this place this time of the year. For three years exiled by work, I missed holy week missed the pontius pillates, the numerous jesus christs either bled or nailed 'til sundown, the drone of the old ladies dutiful in their pabasas
I look outside, where clouds would form yet the heat insists. Little babies in their parents' arms shaded by bright umbrellas. no text messages, no distant desperate videoke voices there is silence,
and here I am trying to tap into my left brain, quite thankful for the solitude
yet the silence and the heat don't match peace as distant as cavalry. A lot has been said about this, and I bet a lot have said the exact same 7 words that started this blog. I first read about Chip Tsao's article from my former professor's facebook account, I wanted to comment but I had mixed opinions about it, greatly affected by the score of already seething comments that was written by my prof's literary comrades. But now after everyone has given their apologies, we still have yet to hear the end of it. I don't think we'll ever hear the end of it. First of all there are two main factors at play here I believe, one is the Chinese people's disillusion of superiority amongst others, and next is the Filipinos usually displaced pride. The Chinese in general are a very hardworking people that's where their pride comes from, that their wealth springs out from their own sweat and tears, and I respect them for that. But anyone who has worked in close contacts with them know that they can sometimes go way overboard. They also like amassing land, despite the fact that there is already so much of China out there they still want more, that's why Tibet is still with them, that's why the Spratlys are still in question. Tibet is quite unfortunate. The Tibetan people are too peaceful for their own good, the misfortune is that geographically they sit right next to China, and the Chinese who can't get enough seized the opportunity, its just a matter of pushing a couple of thousands of monks out of their homeland and keeping them out til they all die, and its been like that for so long. The Spratlys is ridiculous. These islands are clearly in our territory, I bet if its a low tide you can actually wade to these islands from Palawan and you'll get there without any hassle. Whilst it would take days for the Chinese to reach it cause its so out of their way and even Vietnam is closer to it than they are, but we don't hear anything from them. It is clearly in our territory lines, any existing law can prove that so how the hell can these Chinese claim that its theirs? Taiwan is way closer but even the Taiwanese refuse to be under them. Imagine if we let these people claim these islands what would stop them from claiming Palawan next? or Mindoro? or even Hawaii? And this is where all the hoopla sprung about.
I remember during my first contract I met a Chinese-Canadian whose parents originated from HongKong, we got into a conversation about Filipinos in HongKong, he was a bit squirmish mentioning that most of the Filipinos there are maids. I didn't mind, I know this to be true. It's not as if he was claiming that we make cake out of horse hay and feed small babies to sharks. He was simply stating a fact. I was surprised though how this could bring discomfort to him, then I realize that status for them is a very different concept from ours. I explained to him that Filipinos have a whole different society. Before the Spanish came there were four kinds of people half of those people were 'servants' alipin namamahay and alipin saguiguilid, and alipin is just a term branded to them by the Spaniards for lack of a better term yet the context was entirely different. These katutubos were not treated as slaves but more as helpers, even now we don't call our maids 'slaves' we call them ka-'tulong' we treat them as part of the household cause we know how integral they are in our home. I grew up with a lot of them ( one after the other, we are not rich!) and I never saw them as anyone lesser but actually as someone of authority over me when our parents are not there, and I also intend to hire one once the baby arrives. So simply this line of work for us is dignified for the most part, and for Filipinos who are an inherently caring people, doing this for a large sum of money abroad is profitable. It's the same kind of work we all would be doing at home for our loved ones eventually so might as well earn something out of it. What makes it noble is the sacrifice, that they'd be doing this for other people without the assurance that it will be the same thing done to the people they left behind at home. But what Filipinos aren't aware of is how other races see them in their society, Chip Tsao is not the first one to demean the 'domestic helpers', the discrimination can be worse in Europe. Chip Tsao's slur came mostly out of his political views, I can see how hurt his national pride is knowing that his maid's government is the same one that threatened them with battleships despite how ridiculous his government's stand is on the Spratlys in the first place. You see, our revenge lays on the fact that even if we may be deemed as a nation of servants we have enough fangs and backbone to defend what is rightfully ours. They can say all they want while we are out there but once in our turf they follow our rules.
What bothers me is how passive this maid of his was when he summoned her, even mentioning that she graduated from a University of Manila as if proving a point that that's the best we can offer. The sad truth is that they actually are like that. Most of the OFWs we send out are meek and would accept anything their employers would throw at them. I had to help a couple of Filipinos from housekeeping on my first contract because they wanted to file a complaint about their supervisor who has been mistreating them and they don't know where and how to start. The help they asked for was simply to write a letter that would state of their plight that which they'll send to the office. And I was compelled to help yet I pitied them, here are a group of middle-aged men in near tears asking for help from a 20 something newbie whose edge is that she can probably write a coherent letter of complaint in English. What if I wasn't there? or worse how many other groups of maltreated Filipino workers are out there huddled somewhere waiting for help? Why can't they help themselves? Is our education really so bad that we have failed to equip our own people with the means to defend themselves? How many illiterate OFWs have we sent out to their tragedies? How can we act so disgruntled and offended when the actual people concerned busting their butts working long hours just to feed their families fail to articulate the injustices that they are given. Maybe we should rethink everything before we start condemning. Maybe instead of marching on the streets of HongKong we should start pooling them maids and reeducating them, offer them services that would remind them of our rights.
Chip Tsao is just one man, yes maybe we at least are showing that once spurned we can fight back, but wouldn't it have been sweet if this 'Louisa' (Chip Tsao's maid) would have answered back right then and there when she was summoned: " I don't know what territorial laws you 're talking about 'Chip', cause it probably expired when Confucius died hundreds of years ago, But according to the treaty of Paris that unlike your territorial laws is acknowledged not only by the Chinese, the Spratlys is clearly and practically within the Philippine territory. So go ahead and stick your money up your ass! and better yet go find someone to wipe it and everything else in your filthy house cause I'm leaving PAKSHET!"--- and cut!!! Good take Louisa! change costume na!  Just last week we had the 'Earth hour' where yes we turned off our lights hoping that that would lessen the heat that's warming up this planet's surface. The next day Topi sent me an sms inviting me to participate in the 'Air hour' where we are supposed to hold our breath for a whole hour to try and increase the oxygen around. hahaha! good one! Now I am all for saving the environment. I believe that this is the most pressing issue that we as inhabitants of this planet must face. I have worked on the sea long enough to fear how nature can wreak havoc on us. But really what I do not understand is how a lot of people can neglect this, thinking that what we're all trying to do is just save pieces of land. I think we must change the tag lines, because honestly we are not saving the Earth... the Earth has been here since billions of years ago, it has survived ice ages, meteor showers, devastating volcanic eruptions. It just keeps on adjusting, there's an infinite amount of life that this planet nestles under its womb that through whatever calamity, incarnations of this life would always spring out in new forms that can adapt to whatever environment there is out here in the surface, whether it be a 100degree Celsius at any given time of day or a whole world of boiling water. What we must think of now is the human race, we are heating up this world for our own extinction, and we won't have anyone else to blame but ourselves. It will be inevitable and its such a pity that for the billions of people on this planet only a handful care enough to do something about it.
Since we are a third world country, scientists have claimed that we do not emit so much Carbon dioxide as compared to the 1st world ones. But do we sit around and do nothing thinking that we are off the hook? The Philippines is one of the countries that'll be most affected by the climate change in the next few years. Just watched it in the Probe team last night. While the coal guzzlers in the rich countries go ahead and continue on their lavish lifestyles, we with our little flashlights would be sinking into the ocean in as little as six years from now.. We can do so much. Even pulling off the plug of appliances that we are not using at night, or shutting down our computers instead of just putting it on sleep and leaving it plugged. Better yet appealing to anyone you know in first world countries to be more aware of the situation. Telling your titas or cousins in the US or your 1000 friends on the net can help.
If you haven't seen 'The Inconvenient Truth' yet, it's high time you do. Better yet visit their site: http://www.climatecrisis.net to learn more of what you can do to save yourselves go directly to: http://www.climatecrisis.net/takeaction/whatyoucando/ learn more about it and start being conscious of your carbon footprint, spread the word, and maybe we won't have to hold our breaths for hours without end after all. :) May blogger's block ako lately. And looking at the updates dito sa multiply it seems that everyone has it. Bakit walang nagba-blog sa inyo lately? dahil ba biglang ang init ng summer?! O sige akin na lang yung excuse na yun. Pero ayan, I'm so boooored! at wala akong mabasa, kahit may limang libro akong kabibili lang sa powerbooks. I think nakakabobo talagang maadik sa TMZ, para kang na-hook sa Showbiz Lingo (Yes yung Christy Fermin show) pero in English. At nakakalokang ma-hook sa facebook, una sobrang against ako sa pagpatol sa 'What's on your mind' box na yan pero ngayon! ano yan!? Every hour pumapatol na talaga ako. What's happening to me?!
Anyway, proof na may blogger's block ako ay yung draft ng blog ko about my recent one week wedding event. Hindi ito enggrandeng wedding na umabot ng isang linggo ang celebration, ano ko prinsesa ng Brunei?! Nagkataon lang sa pagkakasunud-sunod ng events ay nagkaroon ako ng 3 wedding ceremonies sa loob ng 1 week... with this kinabog ko nga ang prinsesa ng Brunei.
What if i-summarize ko na lang dito ang nangyari sa kin sa pagpasok ng March para kahit papano ay makapag-move on na ko at mag-blog na about other mundane things in my life... hmmm... Sorry Xusha, but I don't think I can write in straight English during this time so I'll just explain this to you later on.
How I got married 3 times in 20 days flat:
Una, by some twist of fate, nakita ko ang sarili ko sa Airport noong March1, sinusundo uli si varoon, dahil technically ay inaya na nya kong pakasal na kailangang mangyari within the next two weeks, inaya nga ba nya kong pakasal or nagkasundo kaming pakasal? anyway basta yun yon. The next Monday kailangan ko magpagawa ng affidavit of singleness at affidavit of parents consent (regardless of my age) dahil kailangan namin parehong magpasa ng ganun sa Embassy ng India para bigyan si Varoon ng 'Legal capacity to marry' na sya namang hinihingi ng Civil registrar sa sinumang foreigner na gustong magpakasal sa isang local. But it doesn't end there, kailangan din itong ipa-authenticate sa DFA, sa malayong lupain ng Pasay. Buti na lang at mabait ang mga taga Civil registrar ng Malolos at pinayagan kaming simulan ang 10 days posting ng marriage license kahit kulang pa kami ng legal capacity. * at this point, kailangan kong i-stress na kung magpapagawa kayo ng kahit anong affidavit siguraduhin nyong hindi clueless yung Notary Public na pupuntahan nyo dahil marami sa kanilang bopols, natuto lang mag-type ginawa ng business ang Notarial. At kung Affidavit of parents, at buhay naman pareho ang parents mo importanteng pareho silang nakalagay sa affidavit na yun.
So sa DFA, matapos makailang balik at balitaktakan sa dalawang baklitang clerk sa Authentication na walang ginawa kundi maghagikhikan sa mga mada-dramang buhay nila manang na nanggaling pa sa malalayong probinsya na nagpapa-authenticate ng mga kung anu-anong certificate, na-file ko na ang mga affidavit, within four working days-na eventually naging 5 tapos may sabado't linggo pa- nakuha ko na, at ipinasa na namin sa Embassy, pero yun nga, hindi nakapirma ang nanay ko sa parental consent dahil hindi ko naipalagay ang pangalan nya sa pag-iisip na baka hindi naman kailangan dahil 28 na ko, so pinabalik kami ng DFA at pinagawa ang separate na affidavit ng nanay ko. Hay nakakaloka! All in all para lang mahabol itong mga authentication na ito ay mga two weeks kaming mainstay sa DFA no, kilala na kami ng mga fixer dun, napa-check in na nga rin kami sa chipanggang hotel na katabi ng Pasay City hall para lang iwas ngarag sa byahe. May mga point din nga na sinasabi ko na kay varoon na wag na kami pakasal ngayon dahil nangangarag na ko, as in ayoko na ng mga dokumento... buti na lang at dambana ng pasensya tong si kumag, ipapagawa ko na nga ng monumento ito sa Malolos tapos ipapaulit ko sa New Delhi to match! So ok, umayos naman ako. Mabait naman ako pag napakiusapan.
May 16 ng hapon hawak na namin ang Legal capacity ni varoon, yun ay after pareho kaming makatulog sa FX pabalik ng Malolos. Ipinasa sa Civil registrar at ayan na may marriage license na kami, takbo kami agad ng office ng mga judge sa bayan at humanap ng pwedeng magkasal sa min ora mismo, meron naman. Pumayag sila ng kinabukasan, kailangan lang naming maghanap ng 2 witnesses ok na. So Tuesday, May 17, 9 AM sa malolos, dala ang gold wedding bands na somehow ay nabili namin amidst the commotion, at ang kapitbahay naming nanay at tatay ng mortal na kaaway ko nung elementary na eventually naging friend na rin, kinasal kami sa huwes. Di na namin dinala yung parents ni varoon na kararating lang at pinatira namin sa Villa Reina, kasi maaligagang gumising ng ganun kaaga. Thinking na ang main event naman ay ang church wedding na akala namin ay keri na sa pari namin kaya sinet na namin ang Thursday to invite close family and friends, kaso itong si father Paez biglang umapila na di pala pwede dahil Christian si Varoon, there should be a special permit from the bishop, na akala ko naman ay sa manila pa makukuha. So we decided na ipagpaliban ang magarbong church wedding pero ituloy ang reception sa thursday sa Max Malolos preceded by a symbolic Christian blessing ng kakilala naming pastor na keri lang naman sa kin. So thursday morning, March 19, reception day! biglang pinatawag kami ni father, mga 1 hour bago kami mag-aligaga sa mga preparations at sinabing, "pwede ko kayong ikasal bukas" halah! ano toh?! pinapirma lang kami nung letter to the bishop nga na ang summary ay hindi ako pwedeng umalis ng catholic faith at ang mga bagets namin in the future ay kailangang mabinyagang catholic. Fine sige para wala nang aberya. Go ng reception, nagpa-make up pa ko nyan teh! Kasi alam ko ito yung main pictorial event, And I should also mention na makakatulong ang pagkakaroon ng designer friend na kaya kang igawa ng couture wedding dress at such short notice (Thanks Ferdi 'the designer friend' Abuel). Thus glamour muna beyond the kangaragan, then after ng kasalan, ang pagche-change costume into a sari, pagpapalipad ng kalapati, pagpapamudmod ng OA sa laking cake, uwi ng bahay, dedma sa hilamos atak ng palengke para bumili ng mga aras, wedding veils, candles at cord, naloka nga yung tindera nang sinabi kong ikakasal kasi ako kinabukasan. Well anyway kinabukasan ng maagang-maaga, March 20, church wedding! ayan na kumpisal, then the wedding march at super intimate na church wedding ceremony dahil hindi kami lalampas ng 15 tao sa loob ng simbahan.I always wondered kung posible yun, yung tipong walang agresibong photographer at videographer na mangangarag sa mga involved, pwede nga. At nakaraos nga...
I never imagined it would be like this pero ito nga ang nangyari. Pressured din kasi kami dahil paalis na si Varoon for work in the US at ang parents nya na mapilit ay 1 week lang dito sa Pinas... Ewankoba hindi sila pumayag na hindi ako makasal sa anak nila, kung alam lang nila ang pinasok nila. Sabi ko kay Varoon, pagbibigyan ko to pero I still want my dream wedding later in the future pag ready na kami, na umoo naman sya. But the good thing about all of these ay nakita ko kung hanggang saan namin kayang mag-respond sa pressure together. I can't imagine anyone else surviving me at that stress level, na kulang na lang ay gawin kong scratching post. Yun nga yung realization ko after kong mag-tantrum sa gitna ng City hall ng Pasay at nahimasmasan na ko sa malapit na Jollibee, na lahat ng stress na to is nothing compared to the kind of stress we'll eventually face sa married life, if we decide to get married, that means we decide to make it work through thick and thin. Beyond all the wedding vows exchanged,yun lang namang vows that you exchange between each other ang talagang panghahawakan nyo at ang maaalala nyo...ours were not spoken, but felt. For that ayan may asawa na ko although parang walang naiba kasi wala rin sya ngayon, ang meron lang ay ang wedding band na nagiging parte na ng kamay ko. pati yung wedding band naman nya na nagpapaalala sa kanya sa kin even if we're not together, naloloka nga kami pag magkausap kami sa skype at nakikita namin sa monitor yung mga rings sa kamay namin. So this is it.At di na nga ako alone. Sorry sa mga di ko na-invite. Like I said height ito ng kangaragan, so next time na lang pag yung bonggang wedding na ang event.
And special footnote: Please! please lang pagkakuha nyo ng marriage license or ng certificate double,triple check lahat ng typo dahil sa totoo lang! Huling habol ng kangaragan yan, at wag paabuting maipasa sa NSO bago makita kundi para ka na ring nagpa-annul sa gastos ng pagkokorek.  Nakakaintriga ang mga poster nito sa Trinoma, men in tight costumes without the hoopla of familiarity like let's say the case of Wolverine. So ano to? Dahil may mahaba kaming panahon ngayong araw na to ni Varoon amidst all the lunacy happening with us right now ( more on that later this month pag tapos na) watch namen ang Watchmen. So okay, gawa sya ng same guy who made 300, I expected the usual stunts, slow motion scenes, mga OA na posing ng mga actors just to exaggerate the 'heroism'...blah, blah, blah, ok lang pagbigyan ang jowa sa testosterone filled flick.... pero 30 minutes into the movie teka lang, parang iba na to, parang pinapag-isip ako ng pelikula na to... wait lang medyo may mga parts ng utak ko na matagal ko nang di nagagamit ang kusang umandar kasi may mga plots at subplots at mga backstories na nagpupulu-pulupot at pinapahula ako kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari. At promise! wala kong nahulaan sa mga susunod na mangyayari kasi siguro dahil na rin di ko kilala yung mga actors para silang lahat characters sa isang visual novel---komiks? But they were all seamed together perfectly in the end, much better than what was done in Sin City. Maganda ba? Di kasi ako mahilig sa mga bayolente, pero ok lang to. May mga makikita kang mababaling buto but most of the gross parts are simply implied... oo eeewww pa rin but it's the complexity of the plot that got my vote, ewanko lang baka passe na yung plot na yun sa mga adik sa Comic books, pero I like how it poignantly looks at the human side of superheroes or maybe the non-human side, It tackles their emotions in a very non-romantic way, na may libog rin pala sila, may mga hinanakit at mga angst daig pa yung ibang tao diyang nagpapaka-mutant sa mga angst nila dyan. It makes me think anong threshold kaya meron ang mga superheroes towards violence for them to achieve what needs to be achieved for peace and justice... meron ba sila nun? Ang milleau ng movie is mostly during the 80s kaya pasok ang mga spandex at shoulder pads at mga nuclear warheads. E kamusta naman yung Dr. Manhattan na yun na buti na lang ay glowing blue kung hindi e todo naman yatang forever syang naka-full frontal with his etits just there! I always wondered kung brief lang ba talaga yung suot ng mga superheroes or may suot silang full body tights sa ilalim- well! nasagot na ang tanong ko! hahaha! O sya hindi nakakatulong ang movie review ko pero I think this movie is worth my money dahil napaisip nya ko. Iniisip ko pa rin hanggang ngayon reli ng watch with all these, kasi marami syang reli sa totoo lang anyway.
Favorite movie quote: Rorchach: "you don't understand, I'm not locked in here with all of you. You're all locked in here with MEEEEE!!!" asteeeg!!!!
Enjoy!!!:) By now its like having an avocado taped around your lower belly. My case is weird, I've lost 8 lbs. since December when I first found out so instead of feeling that I'm getting bigger, the baby's size seems to be compensating for the lost fat, I hope this symbiosis between us continues 'til the 9th month, this way maybe I can prevent stretchmarks. I signed up with a website called Babycenter, which is pretty cool. I give them my due date and they give me a daily update of what the baby is going through even what it looks like and suggestions to help me. This baby has been very behaved, although I'm a bit itchy all over lately, I read that it could be caused by an increase in estrogen. I'll have my OB check it...just hate going to her office as I always end up waiting for at least an hour for my turn. Babycenter advises me to take in some fat this week to help the baby, perfect! that justifies the 800ml queso real ice cream I ate just before going online. I sort of backed out on eating anything else lately. Its not the baby's fault, my appetite in general has turned Filipino mode, that means veggies, half cup rice, maybe fried chicken, lots of water and a good helping of Eat Bulaga during lunchtime. Then compensate everything with a glass of Anmum,wink, wink! Honestly I think Americans are victims of their surroundings, when I was there I felt like I was petite enough to eat two slices of peperoni pizza without having to worry about getting too fat... cause really everyone else there is way heavier. Then I come back here, try getting into a medium size shirt from the local market and dang it! nothing fits unless they have double XL---which is nearly impossible since everything here comes from China where obesity is seemingly punishable by death. Come to think of it before I left I'm always mortified when my weight goes beyond 120lbs. hah! ancient times. So now I'm trying to be a little more active around the house, but I feel cranky when I'm forced to do stuff out of my pre-set itinerary ( uhhmm... watching TV, cooking, eating, watching DVD) I know, I gotta get out more. Lately I've been obsessed with the stupidest inventions of modern times, as these are the images the TV has bombarded me with lately. Who would want to pay for a special towel? dries you the same way, only if you would wrap it around your head it won't come off even as you do a cartwheel--- at least I know who ever thought of this was way more bored than I am. How about a cellphone that breathes?It mimics the breathing patterns of the owner. Honestly?! 'cause we really need something else to creep us out at night when the lights are off and we're groping through our night tables for the switch, or something else more frantic than the teenager who's getting her very first call from a crush. Maybe all these idle hours can lead to something brilliant or something utterly stupid. I just hope the baby comes out smart. I better brush up on my Jostein Gaardners. Underworld3! sori kailangan ko lang i-blog dahil may trend naman na-i-blog ang kahit na anong kinainisan mo for the day di ba? So meron nang bonggang-bonggang sinehan dito sa great city of malolos, namely 'the cabanas' ( at may website sila). ok naman sosyal and at par with the cinemas in manila, guaranteed seating pa. So today after ng labada at dahil mag-spray ng baygon ang kapatid ko sa kwarto ko, i thought it'd be perfect to see underworld3 na antagal ko ring minumuntik-muntikanang panoorin 'pag nasa trinoma ako pero laging naro-wrong. so game, baon ang isang malaking bote ng minute maid at pack ng popcorn atak ako ng sine. feeling ko nga ako lang ang manonood dahil walang tao. pero ayan na nga may mga siguro tatlong couples na dumating bago magsimula ang pelikula. Kamusta naman na yung dalawang naupo sa mismong hilera ko ay di tumigil ng dakdakan mula umpisa ng pelikula? Hellur!? it seems they think na kesyo hindi puno ang sine e walang makakarinig sa kanila. So umalis ako ng hilera na yun at medyo lumayo at gumow ng isa pang hilera sa harap dahil ayokong masira ang araw ko. But no! hindi sila nakahalata, go pa rin sila ng dakdakan, so nililingon-lingon ko sila and I made sure na nakikita nila ko, pero iba talaga pag walang breeding at ignorante, go pa rin sila, So ayan na lumabas na ang inner werewolf ko at nagpaka-ghetto na lang ako sa kanila't sinigawan silang, "SSSSHHH! NAPAKAINGAY!" so in the background medyo narinig ko si babaeng nagbigay ng "ahihihi" in a very pahiya way. At tumahimik naman sa wakas kaya lang nasira na talaga ang concentration ko sa pelikula, pero sige keri lang tinapos ko pa rin, kung hindi siguro ako buntis ay baka hinintuan ko sila bago ko lumabas after the movie at pinagpatuloy ang pagka-ghetto sa kanila, pero hush talaga, tiningnan ko na lang sila taas-baba on my way out and gave them a look of disgust so they know. Pero come to think of it kung di naman ako jontis ay baka gumow na lang ako ng trinoma para makapag-timezone pa after. Anyway, so lumapit ako sa mga nagkukumpulang cinema attendants sa labas at sinabihan ko silang next time imbes na nagtsi-tsismisan lang sila sa labas ay mag-check sila sa loob ng sinehan para bugawin yung mga walang modong dakdakan ng dakdakan sa loob as consideration para sa mga taong nagpunta doon para talaga panoorin ang pelikula. I mean c'mon?! bakit ka magbabayad ng P110 para lang makinig sa dakdakan ng ibang tao? At kung magdadakdakan lang naman pala kayo bakit pa kayo papasok sa loob di ba? tumambay na lang kayo sa labas imbes na mambastos. I've watched in cinemas from Mexico to Puerto Rico at should I say napaka-inherent na ng cinema etiquette sa mga tao doon. I hate it na wala tayo noon, kaya na nga ba nauwi sa obscurity ang mga maliliit na sinehan dito sa tin e! Mapunta tayo sa Underworld3... Syet! hindi pala si Kate beckinsale yung babae dun?!!! nasan ang videoke pag kailangan mo? mas gusto kong more of musical genre ang life kasi pag may mabigat na sequence cut to musical number agad, kung ganun ang siste de sana nasa gitna na ko ng pagbirit ng "ayaw ko nang mangarap, ayaw ko nang tumingin, ayaw ko nang manalamin, nasasaktan ang damdamin..." ngayon tapos balik uli sa happy moments. haaay... ang hirap talaga... at ang hirap ding isipin kung paano ba umiyak nang hanggang leeg lang, yung pamamanhidin ko mula dibdib pababa ang katawan ko para hindi na maramdaman ng baby ang mga hinanakit ko, ayoko kasing baby pa lang melodramatic na agad ang atak nya sa buhay dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa ko habang parte pa sya ng katawan ko. Kaya iyan imbes na magdadrama ako gaya ng nakagawian kong gawin noon ito ako ngayon at nagsusulat ng distraction para lang di ako mamagnet ng kama ko at in turn ay magnetin din nito ang mga luha kong bonggang-bongga. how can one not deserve you when he's half you? and yet lumabas sa kin yun, masama ba akong tao o matabil lang talaga ang dila ko? hindi ako pasensyosa pero nakaya kong maghintay ng matagal tapos ganun pa rin? kailangan ko ba talagang maging harsh sa sarili ko at namnamin lahat to samantalang kaya ko namang maging bato at dedmahin na lang lahat at mabuhay uli ng matagal na panahon sa mediocrity. sana makatulog ako ng matagal na matagal na panahon... paggising ko wala nang harshness, wala na kong iisipin, hindi ko na sya kailangang i-justify ng mga sarili kong salita para sa mga sarili kong tanong. ayan na nga ba naiiyak pa rin ako, wa epek yata to e. o sige try ko na lang yung second option... ang pagpapamanhid ng katawan, 'the incredible half sensation woman' naks! yun pala ang mutation ko. hindi ito yung pechay shorts, i'm referring to these short stories na less than 500 words lang. Matagal na pala ang form na to, pero na-discover ko lang through my recent meanderings sa Powerbooks... Sya nga pala, ang galing ng print media, kasi a few years ago I could've sworn na kinakabahan ako't wala nang taong nagbabasa those days, na sa powerbooks parang mas lumalaki yung part ng music1 dahil mas trip ng mga tao noong bumili ng mga cds kaysa bumili ng books. However dahil siguro sa Itunes at internet, or sige dahil guilty rin ako, limewire, ang music1 ngayon sa powerbooks ng mega ay tipong 4 racks na lang na inooccupy ang maliit na part sa gitna ng store. pero ang mga books, todo! Di ba may mga audio books naman at ngayon ebooks pero napaka-pure ng act of picking up a book and sorting through the pages, at makakatulugan mo tapos pag naalimpungatan ka tuloy lang uli ng pagbabasa without having to turn on anything or to start up a computer. I love books.... mabalik tayo sa short shorts, ang premise ng mga gumawa nito ay the fact na wala na raw time ang mga taong magbasa, so ayan with this kind of fiction within 3 minutes nabasa mo na. Or para sa mga gaya ko na kailangan ng distraction sa cr, bago pa matapos ang deed nakailang stories na ako. It's nice, I like it. Para tuloy gusto ko ring magsulat ng something so nonsensical gaya ng punyetang langaw na to na nakapasok sa kwarto at kesyo alam na napipikon na ko sa kanya ay dapo ng dapo sa fes ko habang nagta-type ako ngayon, at by reflex naman napapalo ko rin ang fes ko ng bonggang-bongga... Isipin ko na lang na kung di ko man sya mapatay, malamang dahil langaw lang sya, tegi na sya by tomorrow. makakarma din sya!
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